B"H

Watch the full class above, then read on for the heart of the teaching.

There is a question so many of us carry quietly. We learn the beautiful ideas. We know that G-d is love, that the world is built on love, that there is a piece of G-d within each of us. We wake up, we pray, we try to smile at the people around us, we do our practices. And still, some days, the feelings simply do not come.

So we wonder. Is this real? Am I just going through the motions? Does my prayer count if my heart feels nothing?

This week we learned Chapter 16 of the Tanya, and I want to tell you, it is one of the most comforting chapters I know.

Love that lives in the mind is still real love

The Alter Rebbe speaks directly to the Benoni, the person who is doing the inner work and showing up in thought, speech, and action, even while there are still pulls and voices inside. He says something very honest. Sometimes all our learning and contemplation is not enough to make our heart burn with a fiery love for G-d. The love stays hidden, in the mind and in the hidden places of the heart.

And then he says, do not be discouraged. It is not that you did not try hard enough, and it is not that your love is not sincere. This love has a name. It is called tevunah, a love that comes from understanding. It is real. It counts.

Why do we not always feel it? Because we live in a world of concealment. We are finite, and G-d is infinite. Our minds cannot fully grasp G-d, and our emotions will never fully hold Him. There will always be a gap between what we know to be true and what we feel. That gap is not a failure. It is simply part of being human.

In class we did a small practice that I first learned years ago with a coach, and I want to share it with you. Ask yourself three questions, slowly. What does it actually feel like in my body to give love? What does it feel like to receive love? And what does it feel like to know that in my core, I am love? Notice whatever comes. If nothing comes, or if you feel resistance, that is a wonderful place to start. Many of us find giving easier than receiving, because receiving asks us to be open and vulnerable. That is okay. Just be curious.

G-d joins a good thought to the deed

The Tanya teaches that love and awe are the wings of the mitzvot. They are what lift our actions upward to their source. So the natural question is, if I do not feel love and awe, do my mitzvot still rise?

The answer is yes. Our Sages say that G-d attaches a good thought to the deed. When you pull yourself out of bed and say Modeh Ani even though gratitude feels far away, when you pray the words even though your heart feels quiet, when you smile at someone even though you do not feel like it, G-d sees the deepest desire of your soul. And the soul, at its core, always wants to rise, like a flame. Its deepest wish is always connection. G-d takes that desire and joins it to what you did. Your showing up reveals the true direction of your heart.

The Zohar adds a beautiful idea. The word tevunah contains the words ben and bat, son and daughter. When we contemplate something in our mind, it gives birth to feelings, and feelings lead to action. These great Kabbalistic ideas are not far away. They are happening inside of us every day.

I also want to gently ask, what are we even expecting to feel? So often we think connection to G-d should feel like a spiritual high, something ecstatic and overwhelming. And when it does not, we decide we are disconnected. But more and more I am seeing that real connection usually feels like being present. Grounded. At home in your body. Standing outside at night looking at the stars, or noticing the colors of a flower, and simply saying, wow, thank You. That is connection. That is the love in your heart waking up.

The commandment to love G-d, the Baal Shem Tov teaches, is not a commandment to produce a feeling on demand. It is a commandment to turn our mind toward the ideas and the moments that awaken love. The feeling is not ours to force. Our part is to keep turning toward Him, and to keep showing up.

So if you are in a season where you are showing up faithfully and the feelings are quiet, please be gentle with yourself. Nothing is wrong. Keep going, steadily, and the feelings will slowly come. And even before they do, you are already connected.

With love,
Miriam